brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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