hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
