Dignity is for republicans.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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