Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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