The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
