is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
