so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
