She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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