I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
