me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
