he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
