True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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