it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
