jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
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