Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
