Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
