you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize