alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
