I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize