meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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