We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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