Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
