I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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