Its about making memories worth repressing
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
