listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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