I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize