She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
