how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
they need to just BURY HIM!
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize