I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
