so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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