Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
