you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
