first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
