So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
