I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
