I think I am morally bankrupt
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
