I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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