Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
