tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
