Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize