Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
