if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
