I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Randomize
