So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
