A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
