I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
