did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize