When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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