just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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