Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
