I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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