i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize