Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
