Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I will pee on everything he values.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
