wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
