smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
