is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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