So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
