I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
