I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
