Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
