I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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