I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
