You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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